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Family fueds

The Malakoff News of Malakoff, Texas

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Escapades of Emily

It makes me feel better to see the effort made to rescue battered women in our county and the progress ongoing to aid the homeless and helpless.

Since I've been married a long time and know others in the same category, I want to emphasize in marriages we consider normal or average "fights" occur, but through tragedies, trauma, and tests of all kinds, there seems to be a glue to keep couples together without bodily or emotional harm to one or the other.

Maybe this "glue" is unconditional love.

Why people marry with an agenda to harm the mate, I will never fully understand. Women now have safe havens and guts to leave an abusive man.

Men probably have always had this outlet. I'm no expert, but where we once thought the lowest of men on the status pole were the culprits, we now know any level or type of male can be a beater.

When my parents married, my dad had a strong rule: "We will not fight in front of any children we have. Our arguments will be private."

This must have worked although I was not oblivious to something upsetting for one or the other. But there were no shouts.

Yet in marriages of successful mileage, doors are slammed, feelings are hurt that lead to silence for days, and fussing of differing degrees occur.

On television, for humor, a husband is often seen with his pillow and blanket headed for sleeping on the couch for the night.

I've never known this in reality. I'm the one who gets angry and goes to a couch to make a point. One night my husband followed me, lay beside me when the sofa wouldn't hold the two of us. In fact, he fell off his "bed" and I fell on top of him. Fight over.

A friend told me once she had a great aunt and uncle notoriously known for their verbal battles. Both stubborn, they persevered and probably loved one another dearly. One day enroute somewhere on a country lane known for its famous large tree in the middle of the road, the Auntie wanted her husband to take the right side of the tree. He wanted the left.

The result was his driving the Model-T into the tree. They both walked the rest of the way to their destination. The marriage survived.

A woman told me when she and her husband first married, they had some rather lengthy "discussions." One night she felt like throwing something and began with the dishes for eating and serving. All this bride did was break a good set of dishes. Her husband took a long walk to let the situation cool down.

While he was gone, the new Mrs. realized she was the one left to clean up the mess she had made. "I felt really dumb," she said and stopped throwing. I think I've wanted to throw something a time or two but quickly realized what object I'd be giving up, no longer mine but shattered in haste. I conquered my curve balls.

Wild stories about family fueds are often told with drastic results as in using household items on a sleeping mate. I don't suppose I've ever been brave enough for such non-violence.

But children should not have to witness parents' "fighting," and maybe this is when divorce is the only answer. The jury is still out on which does more harm to the children - witnessing bad scenes of discord or being traded back and forth between parents for visits.

I heard an adage or cliche yesterday for the first time. "I could kill him, but I can't divorce him."

Sages of advice columns have good advice sometime to mates who get hit. I've always thought once would be enough, but maybe I don't know everything.

"Would you be better off without him in trying for a new life?" Then women write in about verbal or physical abuse from one they love, asking for some assurance or answer.

Usually, the advice given can be summed up in three words; "Run, baby, run."



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Original Publication Date: November 20, 2015



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