Small Town News


Ifs not a criticism, ifs an observation.

The Columbia Star of Columbia, South Carolina

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And we think arresting a goat is stupid?

There is a goat in jail in Nigeria. A vigilante group told the local police the varmint was a shape shifting witch that had stolen a car. Some folks in the region are being critical of both the police and the vigilantes, claiming Nigerian police have become a laughing stock because of ignorance, hysteria, and belief in witchcraft.

It is easy to laugh at such backward countries and feel smug about how superior we are in the United States. We are an advanced Twenty-First Century society with fair laws and a just legal system. At least in most sections of the country.

A high school football coach in Kentucky was charged with murder last August when one of his players collapsed and died after practice. The heat index was 94. In the Deep South a heat index of 94 is considered balmy. Coaches have been sued for wrongful death before but never charged with murder.

Anytime a child dies it is a tragedy but not necessarily a homicide. No other team members died and the affected player wasn't required to do anything anyone else didn't have to do. The arrest seems to be nothing more than pandering to a group of people wanting somebody to be responsible for a tragedy.

Another new type of lawbreaker threatening America is coming from high school. Young female schoolteachers are being arrested for having improper relationships with male students. When I was that age we used to have fantasies about such things and built legends around the lucky ones among us who allegedly were inappropriately abused. Now all of the sudden those teachers are criminals.

I'm not sure when this began and who is behind it. I'm also confused about who the injured party is. Most guys can still remember the names of the teachers they wanted to be traumatized by. We might not want to let these ladies continue teaching the young, but they shouldn't be jailed. On second thought they might inspire some of the less interested male students to start paying attention and come to school more often.

Speaking of sex criminals, anyone who gets caught relieving himself in public is charged with a sex crime and listed on the registry. So if you have one too many beers and the golf course doesn't have adequate facilities, you may end up serving time and be branded a child molester.

During the uncertainty following 9/11 the Homeland Security Act passed Congress with little opposition. Part of this legislation allows airline employees to determine when an act of terrorism takes place.

This means that testosterone challenged flight attendant for Southwest; the one with the corny stories who is leaving as soon as he graduates from interior design school, can decide whether an unruly passenger is drunk, a jerk, or an agent of Al-Quaeda.

Since this became law, over 200 people have been arrested on planes and charged with terrorism. Richard Reid, the incompetent shoe bomber, is the only one who actually tried to commit a terrorist act. The rest have only had their lives ruined. One of 200 is a really poor ratio. And we think arresting a goat is stupid.

Copyright 2009 The Columbia Star, Columbia, South Carolina. All Rights Reserved. This content, including derivations, may not be stored or distributed in any manner, disseminated, published, broadcast, rewritten or reproduced without express, written consent from SmallTownPapers, Inc.

Original Publication Date: February 6, 2009

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