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Office hopefuls find answer in hot dish

Askov American of Askov, Minnesota

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Dear Tante Ingeborg.

My friends and I are very conscientious about doing our civic duty. We make it a habit to vote in every election. It's not easy and requires great fortitude and weeks of preparation. This is because we meet several times before election day and discuss both the issues and candidates. We then take turns rewarding each other with appropriate hot dish dinners to celebrate the selection of our chosen runners for office. We're mostly concerned with the presidential election in 2016, but we're keeping an eye on state and local, too.

Right now we're really concerned about the lack of what we consider acceptable candidates. The real problem is when we finally boil it all down, what kind of hot dishes will we come up with to portray the qualities of our chosen office hopefuls?

Many of our neighbors watch carefully to see what the menus are after we meet. They are confused by the hype and all the Spin-Meisters and they have no patience for wading through the balderdash. By looking at what we serve up when our meetings are over, they get an idea on how they should vote.

Have you got any ideas for hot dishes we can serve to indicate what we think of the front runners?

Signed, Politically Correct in Cambridge Tante Ingeborg says: Dear PC, Boy, have you thrown me for a loop. Looking at the collection of hopefuls, a lot of ideas come to mind, but so far all I can think of are recipes that contain a fair amount of toxic waste and horse manure. Here's a question for you: What should you do if a washed out comb-over throws a pin at you? Answer: Run like heck; he's got a grenade in his hand. If he gets the nod, serve up a heaping load of bacon-hot dog-bologna-pepperoni on macaroni and processed cheese to go with the junk that he spouts whenever he steps up to a microphone. I could go on and on about the candidates and what kind of claptrap they feed us, but they're really no worse than the ones we suffered through previously. How about the guy who told the American people, "I'm the decider." No, Mr. President, you're the decision maker. "De cider is what you buy in de jug."

And how about the woman who told us polar bears were not endangered? A very famous comedian described her hobbies as helicopter hunting and breast feeding. Can you imagine the hot dish we could come up with to signify her? Should we talk about the blonde who can't seem to get a handle on her email correspondence? That silliness reminds me of another blonde who stood in front of the mirror with her eyes closed so she could see how she looked while she was sleeping.

Throw together the best hot dishes you can sling on the table because the good news is this: We have three branches of government. The executive branch can't get very far without the cooperation of the legislative or judicial branches. Study up on the issues, vote your conscience and stay away from processed foods. Good luck with your pot luck challenges and remember, Tante Ingeborg cares... but not so much.

In line with its Scandinavian heritage, the Askov American has given a couple of locals the opportunity of authoring an advice column. Management reserves the right to cancel this column at a moment's notice, should it become filled with lunacy. Remember, this is a family newspaper. If you have a problem for which you need questionable advice, contact Ask Tante Ingeborg, care of the Askov American.

Ask Tante Ingeborg

Scandinavian common sense solutions to modern-day dilemmas.

Copyright 2015 Askov American, Askov, Minnesota. All Rights Reserved. This content, including derivations, may not be stored or distributed in any manner, disseminated, published, broadcast, rewritten or reproduced without express, written consent from SmallTownPapers, Inc.

Original Publication Date: November 5, 2015

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