Small Town News

The electrical outlet is the new status symbol of the decade

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AROUND TOWN

Even with all the high-tech gadgets out there today, electricity is still a mystery to me. I do not have the basic skills to connect any of the concepts, such as how something like this goes through a wire and then becomes a bunch of dots on a screen that equals Martha Stewart standing over a stove cooking a brisket.

In fact, if I was married to Ben Franklin and I saw him outside during a lightning storm, holding a kite, I would have to get a restraining order. That's how little foresight I have; well most people just could assume that anyway.

I mention this because you cannot survive a visit from guests such as I had this past holiday without every electrical outlet in your house being occupied. It turns out something as basic as an electrical outlet is the new status symbol of the decade.

It used to be that visiting guests would exit their cars carrying gifts, or at the very least holiday greetings with lots of hugs, kisses and back slapping.

Now as soon as the engine is turned off, there is a mass exodus to find an electrical outlet to plug in a computer. Teenagers especially are under a lot of pressure.

They have five seconds to hook up, so that a satellite circling in outer space can keep them connected to a bunch of strangers with names like Lotus One, whom they converse with on a daily basis and share their most intimate family secrets.

Failure to plug in within the allotted time frame would only confirm their worst fears; they would turn into people like their parents, who have names like Wanda and Floyd, wear white shoes and matching white belts and show slides of their last trip to Florida.

Or even worse, and I hardly dare whisper this consequence, it would involve making conversation and eye contact with another human being or anything besides a computer monitor. I know, the very thought has scared even the most hardened gang members straight.

This past holiday, every room in my house had wires strung across couches, tables and chairs, eventually leading this maze across the floors to electrical outlets.

Thick cables snaked from walls, turning the decor into one that best can be described as; early crime scene, with whole sections roped off, much like: yellow police tape.

You could not turn on lamps or appliances without being but on a waiting list to "plug in.'] Anyone tripping, free falling or breaking a limb, such as an ahkle or a leg, was not grounds for the computer user to look up or to legally participate in any first aid.

Now I have a couple of computers in my home, so it's not like communication with the outside world is not available to guests. But apparently, at least for teenagers, whose persoruil computers are now molded into part of their body, even qualifying for medical co-payments on their insurance card, you have to be hooked up to that wi-fi connection in your home.

I can understand this once it was explained to me in simple terms; this connection has to be available or else they are limited in the amount of power they have on their personal computer to just under enough hours to keep the entire fleet of U.S. aircraft carriers afloat for the next year. Clearly not enough time to contact their 500 friends, whom they haven't conversed with since they left the house 10 minutes ago.

But with all this technology, we mustn't lose sight of the importance of these holiday visits. You know, a chance to get closer to the other person That other person would be your cable repairman, who you will spend the next week with figuring out why nothing in your house remotely connected to your computer works.





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