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Sweetsers small farmer talk ? ? ?

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A man took his wife to a restaurant. The waiter took the man's order first. "I'll have the rump steak rare, please, "he said.

"Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, "she can order for herself and that's when the fight started.

Yesterday I had a disappointing day at the hay sale, but made some purchases at the vegetable sale that I was able to resell by sunset. I had the majority bales of a 17-bale load that was put up a little damp, plus my one share baler pulled down a 112-bale load of small squares, also put up one day before it was fit.

Things were going well until the western sky turned dark blue and thunder was in the distance. I quickly enclosed in plastic garbage bags my three purchases. After a quick one-half inch of rain on our little squares, I wondered if they would even get a bid. At $2.50 a bale I wasn't as disappointed as I was in getting $25 a bale for our 1000-pound-plus round bales, which I'm sure I lost money on.

After checking our few rows of raked hay, I raked the hay once, then the next day, raked the opposite direction to get it away from the standing hay. The following day I raked it again in the opposite direction in an attempt to get it dry. Only problem with this is the bales on too many occasions will hang together as if tied with a rope, and will make one forget his religion in a hurry.

I've been off the last week spending five full days in the hospital, due partially to my not taking better care of a blister under my big toe. My foot was tight in my boot on Saturday, while at a neighbor's sale across the road. To make a long story short, Iwas put in for possible infection in my foot, toe and blood. Turned out it was in my toe and blood, and when discharged they said I was to come back the next seven days for intravenous

injections of antibiotics.

During my stay at Austin Medical Clinic, I couldn't have gotten better care or food. My share baler kept my cow tanks full of water, and his wife not only was a nursing assistant to me, but paid a fertilizer bill, plus depositing a couple of checks and went out and bought wrapping material, also bringing in new shorts and deodorant.

I relearned a lesson learned a year and a half ago, after having a stent placed: when you use a urinal for the first time, make sure the cover's off.

I laughed as one night a nurse was sitting by my bed trying to insert an IV needle, with my arm resting on her leg. I said, "I could tickle your leg, "but apparently she didn't think that was as funny as I did.

At discharge I told two nurses I drank a lot of pop, and they gave me the old "you-should-drink-more-water" story. I said, "Yeah, I should drink more water, and you drink beer, you hypocrites." I was high from enjoying all the pretty nurses (all but two of whom were nearly my age).

Want pain? Have a nurse insert an IV needle into the back of your hand about an inch. I'm guessing this mistake, which I will at least admit partial responsibility for, will cost $15, 000, give or take a few thousand. When infection gets in your blood, it can be lethal. I didn't lose any toes, but one had to be cut into further than ever. Years ago a blister under one of my toes took nearly two years to close up. I thought things were going well lately.

Batteries I've been told recently rose from 80 a lb. to 120 a lb., allowing us to pay $5 which is over the market for a 40-lb. battery. In some cars they don't weigh 40 lbs.

Last Friday grain prices made some good size jumps, after a private crop report showed the expected U.S. corn yield to be under 160 bushels to the acre. The

USDA's latest guess had been in the 164-bushel range. Many early harvest reports in the South are coming in less to considerably less than had been hoped for, or expected. During my stay at the hospital, I was surprised to see the change that had taken place in our grains.

I'm glad to see my beans have quite a few pods, and from the side window of my pickup, I haven't seen any instances of sudden death in the beans. My corn is also staying greener than many fields. Looks like corn maybe coming out at the end of this month. The earliest I remember beans coming out is about the 27th of September.

Surprisingly, I heard two area coops are nearly full of grain. Last year one was bringing in corn to fill its mill's $15, 000 bushel-a-day hog-feed appetite. The building site across the road is about to be bulldozed. I have a lot of working memories of that farm 30-35 years ago.

The 1990's definition of the bikini of the future: two dots and a dash. (My proofreader is pretty lenient some days, as we go back 40 years or so.)

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though he knew he wasn't speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

He began to think it was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again. The traffic camera flashed again. He tried a fourth time with the same results. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later he received five tickets in the mail for not wearing a seat belt.

Us good guys never win!



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© 2011 LeRoy Independent LeRoy, Minnesota. All Rights Reserved. This content, including derivations, may not be stored or distributed in any manner, disseminated, published, broadcast, rewritten or reproduced without express, written consent from DAS.

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